Bush Unveils Controversial Military Plan: “Operation Deploy 20,000 Soldiers To Have Their Legs Blown Off By Land Mines”
WASHINGTON, DC – Seeking to broaden his appeal among voters, President Bush unveiled a new military plan that he believes will greatly assist the war efforts in Iraq. This plan, which is already garnering some controversy, has been named “Operation Deploy 20,000 Soldiers To Have Their Legs Blown Off By Land Mines”, or “OD20,000STHTLBOBLM” for short.
President Bush urged the American public to not react negatively to the name of this military plan, until they have all of the facts regarding the initiative.
“My fellow Americans, when you have all of the facts regarding this plan, you will agree that it is for the good of the nation. Allow me to explain. What will happen is, we will deploy 20,000 troops to Iraq, and they will fight vigilantly until their legs are inevitably blown off by land mines. I believe this should clear up any confusion.”
Bush continues, “With the deployment of 20,000 troops, that is approximately 40,000 legs that will be lost for this great country. We salute these legs in advance for their heroic contribution to this nation. They have given up everything that they enjoy, whether it be kickball, hacky-sac, soccer, or other miscellaneous leg-related activities. Without these lost legs, we would not have the freedoms that we enjoy today. “
“I would also like to assure the American people that we will not forget about the courageous torsos that gave up these legs. These brave semi-men will be well taken care of when they inescapably lose their legs to a roadside mine. We have installed special “torso-trunks” in every military vehicle in action right now. These trunks will be used to ship the remains of men back to camp for proper treatment. This treatment involves flying these men home immediately, so they don’t lie around wasting space. Then, they will go back to their normal lives, providing they didn’t use their legs very much previously,” explains Bush.
“In addition, we are preparing for the scenario in which these little go-getters will want to continue the fight without their legs. We have created military grade, heavily armored 4-wheeled scooters that are ready for action. These creations will allow the legless men to assist in battle, in the case that the terrorist insurgent camps are wheelchair accessible with proper ramps and elevators.”
Bush concluded, “My fellow American citizens, I believe this should resolve any negative feelings regarding this revolutionary military plan. I appreciate your support, and god bless America.”
President Bush urged the American public to not react negatively to the name of this military plan, until they have all of the facts regarding the initiative.
Bush delicately explains
his plan.
his plan.
Bush continues, “With the deployment of 20,000 troops, that is approximately 40,000 legs that will be lost for this great country. We salute these legs in advance for their heroic contribution to this nation. They have given up everything that they enjoy, whether it be kickball, hacky-sac, soccer, or other miscellaneous leg-related activities. Without these lost legs, we would not have the freedoms that we enjoy today. “
“I would also like to assure the American people that we will not forget about the courageous torsos that gave up these legs. These brave semi-men will be well taken care of when they inescapably lose their legs to a roadside mine. We have installed special “torso-trunks” in every military vehicle in action right now. These trunks will be used to ship the remains of men back to camp for proper treatment. This treatment involves flying these men home immediately, so they don’t lie around wasting space. Then, they will go back to their normal lives, providing they didn’t use their legs very much previously,” explains Bush.
An example of one of the "torso-trunks". They can also be used to store canteens.
“In addition, we are preparing for the scenario in which these little go-getters will want to continue the fight without their legs. We have created military grade, heavily armored 4-wheeled scooters that are ready for action. These creations will allow the legless men to assist in battle, in the case that the terrorist insurgent camps are wheelchair accessible with proper ramps and elevators.”
Bush concluded, “My fellow American citizens, I believe this should resolve any negative feelings regarding this revolutionary military plan. I appreciate your support, and god bless America.”
