Bush Administration Discovers That It Is Gays And Abortion Clinics Holding WMDs; Acts Swiftly
Washington, DC - The Bush administration made a shocking discovery on Monday as new intel showed that it is in fact gays and abortion clinics holding WMDs right here inside the US.
"I wish I could tell you that I am surprised at this recent development, but the truth is, I've suspected these scumbags of being involved in wrongdoing for quite some time now," said Republican Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense. He added, "But it has nothing to do with the fetus-murdering and sodomy, that I can assure you."
Acting with haste on this new information, the Bush administration launched a large-scale initiative that has been identified as "The War on Homosexual Baby-Terror". An initial target as already been identified for assault; a Planned Parenthood clinic in Irvine, CA.
Director of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff had this to say about the first target: "This is one of the biggest abortion clinics in the country, and it just so happens that it resides in the theatre district. We have confirmed that there are numerous flaming male attendants on staff. Needless to say, we will be using extreme force to take this target down immediately."
At approximately 10am on Tuesday, multiple SWAT teams stormed the clinic, dispatching all attendants and doctors on site. Inside sources reported that there was surprisingly little resistance from those inside, mainly just cries of terror and agony as they were mowed down by high caliber gunfire.
In a post-massacre assessment, there were 26 people declared dead, including 6 expecting mothers.
What followed was an extremely thorough sweep of the area to locate the expected nuclear and/or chemical weapon caches. After knocking down many of the interior walls and searching every inch of the center, government personnel were baffled that no weapons were found.
After a surge of public outcry, George W. Bush himself issued a statement on the recent events: "My fellow Americans, I certainly understand your feelings of anger and sorrow regarding those gays and baby slayers who lost their lives. We acted on the intel we had at that time, and made the appropriate actions to protect this great country. While there were no WMDs found, we did bring the merciless tyrant Mary Brimley to justice. As director of this clinic, many found her management style to be rather impersonal and overbearing. I feel satisfied that we have accomplished our mission of taking this evil dictator out of power."
Though not addressed in his speech, Bush reportedly approved the initiative to provide a military presence in the clinic to assist with physical repairs and the setup of new, more diplomatic management. He also noted that the military presence would remain on site for 15 years to ensure there are no misdeeds, aside from the constant baby killing.
Robert Gates explains that he
has always been suspicious
of those scumbags.
has always been suspicious
of those scumbags.
Acting with haste on this new information, the Bush administration launched a large-scale initiative that has been identified as "The War on Homosexual Baby-Terror". An initial target as already been identified for assault; a Planned Parenthood clinic in Irvine, CA.
Director of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff had this to say about the first target: "This is one of the biggest abortion clinics in the country, and it just so happens that it resides in the theatre district. We have confirmed that there are numerous flaming male attendants on staff. Needless to say, we will be using extreme force to take this target down immediately."
At approximately 10am on Tuesday, multiple SWAT teams stormed the clinic, dispatching all attendants and doctors on site. Inside sources reported that there was surprisingly little resistance from those inside, mainly just cries of terror and agony as they were mowed down by high caliber gunfire.
In a post-massacre assessment, there were 26 people declared dead, including 6 expecting mothers.
What followed was an extremely thorough sweep of the area to locate the expected nuclear and/or chemical weapon caches. After knocking down many of the interior walls and searching every inch of the center, government personnel were baffled that no weapons were found.
A picture of "The Fortress of Death" as Bush's
cabinet called it, before it was decimated.
cabinet called it, before it was decimated.
After a surge of public outcry, George W. Bush himself issued a statement on the recent events: "My fellow Americans, I certainly understand your feelings of anger and sorrow regarding those gays and baby slayers who lost their lives. We acted on the intel we had at that time, and made the appropriate actions to protect this great country. While there were no WMDs found, we did bring the merciless tyrant Mary Brimley to justice. As director of this clinic, many found her management style to be rather impersonal and overbearing. I feel satisfied that we have accomplished our mission of taking this evil dictator out of power."
Though not addressed in his speech, Bush reportedly approved the initiative to provide a military presence in the clinic to assist with physical repairs and the setup of new, more diplomatic management. He also noted that the military presence would remain on site for 15 years to ensure there are no misdeeds, aside from the constant baby killing.
